Nostalgia aint what it used to be

The Autumn of the Patriarch

2008-12-26T21:10:00.001Z

Only then did we dare go in without attacking the crumbling walls of reinforced stone, as the more resolute had wished, and without using oxbows to knock the main door off its hinges, as others had proposed, because all that was needed was for someone to give a push and the great armoured doors that had resisted the lombards of William Dampier during the building's heroic days gave way. It was like entering the atmosphere of another age, because the air was thinner in the rubble pits of the vast lair of power, and the silence was more ancient, and things were hard to see in the decrepit light. All across the first courtyard, where the paving stones had given way to the underground thrust of weeds, we saw the disorder of the post of the guard who had fled, the weapons abandoned in their racks, the big, long rough-planked tables and plates containing the leftovers of the Sunday lunch that had been interrupted by panic, in shadows we saw the annex where government house had been, colored fungi and pale irises among the unresolved briefs whose normal course had been slower than the pace of the driest of lives, in the centre of the courtyard we saw the baptismal font where more than five generations had been christened with martial sacraments, in the rear we saw the ancient viceregal stable which had been transformed into a coach house, and among the camellias and butterflies we saw the berlin from stirring days, the wagon from the time of the plague, the coach from the year of the comet, the hearse from progress in order, the sleep-walking limousine of the first century of peace, all in good shape under the dusty cobwebs and all painted with the colours of the flag.

One Hundred Years of Solitude

2008-12-26T21:08:00.000Z

"The only difference today between Liberals and Conservatives is that the Liberals go to mass at five o'clock and the Conservatives at eight."
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude

Some great sites....

2008-12-26T20:53:00.003Z

Here are a couple of my regular stopping places:

English Russia: a daily entertainment blog devoted to the events happening in Russian speaking countries, such as Russia (Russian Federation), Ukraine, Belarus, Moldova, Kazakhstan, etc. Everyday something interesting happens in the countries occupying 1/6 of the populated world.

Russian Blog: Language and Culture of the Russian-Speaking World

Russian Reading Challenge 2008: A 12 month reading challenge of all things Russian - novels, short stories, biographies, history, poetry - by Russian authors or by authors about Russia. Challenge begins January 1, 2008 and ends December 31st, 2008. (hope this goes on another year picked up some great tips)

SovietLit.com: Works of Soviet Literature summarized for those unable or too lazy to read them in the original. (that'd be me then!!)

José Saramago - new novel due soon.

2008-12-26T20:49:00.000Z

Excerpt from The Elephant’s Journey

There is no wind, although the mist seems to form slow whirlpools as if boreas himself were blowing it down from the far north and from the lands of eternal ice. However, to be honest, given the delicacy of the situation, this is hardly the moment for someone to be honing his prose in order to make some, frankly, not very original poetic point. By now, the people travelling with the caravan will have realised that someone is missing, indeed two of them will probably have volunteered to go and save the poor castaway, an action that would be most welcome if it weren’t for the reputation as a coward that will dog him for the rest of his days, Honestly, the public voice will say, imagine him just sitting there, waiting for somone to rescue him, some people have no shame at all. It’s true that he had been sitting down, but now he’s standing up and has courageously taken the first step, right foot first, to drive away the evil spells cast by fate and its powerful allies, chance and coincidence, however, his left foot has grown suddenly hesitant, and who can blame it, because the ground is invisible, as if a new tide of mist had just begun to roll in. With his third step, he can no longer see his own hands held out in front of him as if to keep his nose from bumping against some unexpected door. It was then that another idea occurred to him, what if the road curved this way and that, and the direction he had taken, in what he hoped would be a straight line, led him into desert places that would mean perdition for both soul and body, in the case of the latter with immediate effect. And, O unhappy fate, without even a dog to lick away his tears when the great moment arrived. He again considered turning back to ask for shelter in the village until the bank of mist lifted of its own accord, but now, completely disoriented, with as little idea of where the cardinal points might be, as if he were in some entirely unfamiliar place, he decided that his best option was to sit down on the ground again and wait for destiny, chance, fate, any or all of them together, to guide those selfless volunteers to the tiny patch of ground on which he was sitting, as on an island in the ocean sea, with no means of communication. Or, more appropriately, like a needle in a haystack. Within three minutes, he was fast asleep. What a strange creature man is, so prone to terrible insomnias over mere nothings and yet capable of sleeping like a log on the eve of a battle. And so it was. He fell into a deep sleep, and it’s quite likely that he would still be sleeping now if, somewhere in the mist, solomon had not unleashed a thunderous trumpeting whose echoes must have been heard on the distant shores of the ganges. Still groggy after his abrupt awakening, he could not make out just where it was coming from, that fog horn come to save him from an icy death or, worse, from being eaten by wolves, because this is a land of wolves, and a man, alone and unarmed, is helpless against a whole pack of them or, indeed, against one. Solomon’s second blast was even louder than the first and began with a kind of quiet gargling in the depths of his throat, like a roll on the drums, immediately followed by the syncopated clamour that typifies the creature’s call. The man is now racing through the mist like a horseman charging, lance at the ready, thinking all the while, Again, solomon, again. And solomon granted his wish and let out another trumpet blast, quieter this time, as if merely confirming that he was there, because the castaway is no longer adrift, he’s on his way, there’s the cart belonging to the cavalry quartermaster, not that he can make out details because things and people are nothing but blurs, it’s as if the mist, and this is a much more troubling idea, were of a kind that can corrode the skin, the skin of people, horses, even elephants, yes, even that vast, tiger-proof elephant, not all mists are the same, of course, one day, someone will cry Gas, and woe betide anyone not wearing a tight-fitting mask. The ex-castaway asks a soldier who happens to be passing, leading his horse by the reins, if the volunteers have returned from their rescue mission, and the soldier responds with a distrustful glance, as if he were speaking to some kind of provocateur, because, as a quick flick through the inquisition’s files will confirm, there were plenty of them around in the sixteenth century, and says coolly, Wherever did you get an idea like that, there was no call for volunteers here, the only sensible course of action in a situation like this is to do exactly as we did and sit tight until the mist lifts, besides, asking for volunteers isn’t really the commander’s style, usually, he just points, you, you and you, quick march, besides, the commander says that when it comes to heroics, either all of us are going to be heroes or none. To make clearer still that he considered the conversation to be at an end, the soldier rapidly hoisted himself up onto his horse, said goodbye and galloped off into the mist. He was displeased with himself. He had given explanations that no one had asked him for, and made statements he was not authorised to make. However, he was consoled by the fact that the man, although he didn’t really have the physique, probably belonged, what other possibility was there, to the group of men hired to help push or pull the ox-carts whenever the going got rough, men of few words and even less imagination. Generally speaking, that is, because the man lost in the mist certainly didn’t appear to lack imagination, just look at the way he had plucked out of nothing, out of nowhere, the volunteers who should have come to his rescue. Fortunately for the man’s public credibility, the elephant is a different matter altogether. Large, enormous, big-bellied, with a voice guaranteed to terrify the timid and a trunk like that of no other animal in creation, the elephant could never be the product of anyone’s imagination, however bold and fertile. The elephant either existed or it didn’t. It is, therefore, time to visit him and thank him for the energetic way in which he used his god-given trumpet to such good purpose, for if this had been the valley of jehosephat, the dead would undoubtedly have risen again, but being what it is, an ordinary scrap of Portuguese earth swathed in mist where someone very nearly died of cold and neglect, and so as not entirely to waste the rather laboured comparison with which we chose to encumber ourselves, we might say that some resurrections are so deftly handled that they can happen even before the poor victim has passed away. It was as if the elephant had thought, That poor devil is going to die, and I’m going to save him. And here’s the same poor devil heaping thanks on him and swearing eternal gratitude, until finally the mahout asks, What did the elephant do to deserve such thanks, If it wasn’t for him, I would have died of cold or been devoured by wolves, And what exactly did he do, because he hasn’t left this spot since he woke up, He didn’t need to move, he just had to blow his trumpet, because I was lost in the mist and it was his voice that saved me, If anyone is qualified to speak of the works and deeds of solomon, I’m that man, which is why I’m his mahout, so don’t come to me with some story about hearing him trumpet, He didn’t just trumpet once, but three times, and these same ears that will one day be dust heard him trumpet. The mahout thought, The fellow’s stark staring mad, the mist must have seeped into his brain, that’s probably it, yes, I’ve heard of such cases, then, out loud he added, Let’s not argue about whether it was one, two or three blasts, you ask those men over there if they heard anything. The men, whose blurred outlines seemed to vibrate and tremble with every step, immediately gave rise to the question, Where are you off to in weather like this. We know, however, that this wasn’t the question asked by the man who insisted he’d heard the elephant speak and we know the answer they were giving him. What we don’t know is whether any of these things are related, which ones, or how. The fact is that the sun, like a vast broom of light, suddenly broke through the mist and swept it away. The landscape revealed itself as it had always been, stones, trees, ravines, and mountains. The three men are no longer there. The mahout opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again. The man who insisted he’d heard the elephant speak began to lose consistency and substance, to shrink, then grow round and transparent as a soap bubble, if the poor-quality soaps of the time were capable of forming the crystalline marvels that someone had the genius to invent, then suddenly disappeared from view. He went plof and vanished. Onomatopoeia can be so very handy. Imagine if we’d had to provide a detailed description of someone disappearing. It would have taken us at least ten pages.

Kosovo

2008-11-16T11:43:00.000Z

It is today, nearly ten years after NATO and the UN took over Kosovo. An elderly Albanian couple is sitting in their dark flat in Pristina. The electricity is out, yet again, and they are sitting in front of a blank television, lights out, food beginning to rot in the refrigerator which isn’t running, no hot water, and certainly no cooking to do. They are just sitting there, wondering what to do next when all of the sudden, the crackle of electricity is heard when the lights begin to flicker. The television comes to life, the hum of the refrigerator can be heard and the water heater starts up.

The old man looks at his wife and says “Honey, get my gun. The Serbs are back.”

Fighting Jack Churchill

2008-11-14T19:43:00.003Z

A "Real" Hero

Apologies to Wiki who I stole the text from....but this gut deserves to be more famous.

Early life
Born in Hong Kong to English parents, Churchill graduated from Sandhurst in 1926 and served in Burma with the Manchester Regiment. He left the army in 1936 and worked as a newspaper editor. He used his archery and bagpipe talents to play small film roles in the movie The Thief of Bagdad.

Second World War
He resumed his commission after Poland was invaded, and volunteered for the Commandos after fighting at Dunkirk. It is said that Churchill was not sure what was entailed in Commando duty, but that because it sounded dangerous, he signed up. In May 1940, Churchill and his unit, the Manchester Regiment, ambushed a German patrol near l'Epinette, France. Churchill gave the signal to attack by cutting down the enemy feldwebel (sergeant) with his barbed arrows.

He led two companies in Operation Archery, the raid on the German garrison at Vågsøy, Norway on December 27, 1941. As the ramps fell on the first landing craft, Churchill leapt forward throwing a grenade and began running towards the bay. For his actions at Dunkirk and Vaasgo, Churchill received the Military Cross and Bar. He received the Distinguished Service Order in 1943 for capturing the battery at Salerno, while commanding Number 2 Commando. Leading from the front, Churchill infiltrated the town with only a corporal in support. He kidnapped a sentry and forced him to make his comrades surrender. Churchill and the riflemen walked out of town with 42 prisoners and a mortar squad.

In 1944, he led Number 2 Commando in Yugoslavia, where they supported the efforts of Tito's partisans. The commandos raided the German-held island of Brač and assaulted Hill 622. Only Churchill and six others managed to reach the objective. A mortar shell killed or wounded everyone but Churchill, who played "Will Ye No Come Back Again?" on his pipes as the Germans advanced. He was knocked unconscious by grenades and was flown to Berlin for interrogation after being captured. He was placed in Sachsenhausen concentration camp.

In September 1944, he and an RAF officer crawled under the wire through an abandoned drain and set out to walk to the Baltic coast; they were recaptured near the coastal city of Rostock, only a few miles from the sea. In late April 1945 Churchill was transferred to Tyrol together with about 140 other prominent concentration camp inmates, where the SS left the prisoners behind.

He escaped from Niederdorf, Italy in April 1945 and walked 150 miles to Verona, Italy where he met an American armoured column.

As the Pacific war was still ongoing Churchill was sent to Burma, where the largest land battles against Japan were still raging, but by the time he reached India, Hiroshima and Nagasaki had been bombed, and the war abruptly ended.

Later life
In 1946 Twentieth Century Fox was making Ivanhoe with Churchill’s old rowing companion Robert Taylor. The movie studio hired Churchill to appear as an archer, firing from the walls of Warwick Castle.

After World War II ended, Churchill qualified as a parachutist, transferred to the Seaforth Highlanders, and later ended up in Palestine as second-in-command of 1st Battalion, the Highland Light Infantry. In the spring of 1948, just before the end of the British mandate in the region, Churchill became involved in another conflict. Along with twelve of his soldiers, he attempted to assist the Hadassah medical convoy that came under attack by hundreds of Arab militants. Following the massacre, he coordinated the evacuation of 700 Jewish doctors, students and patients from the Hadassah hospital on the Hebrew University campus on Mount Scopus in Jerusalem.

In later years, Churchill served as an instructor at the land-air warfare school in Australia, where he became a passionate devotee of the surfboard. Back in England, he was the first man to ride the River Severn’s five-foot tidal bore and designed his own board.

He finally retired from the army in 1959, with two awards of the Distinguished Service Order, and died in Surrey in 1996. Eccentric until the end, Churchill would toss his briefcase out of the window of the commuter train he rode home every day. Passengers and conductors were shocked because they did not know he was throwing the luggage into his own backyard as the train passed by. It saved him the trouble of carrying it all the way home from the station.

fucking awesome

Work

2008-11-12T08:39:00.000Z

“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?”
—Charles Bukowski

George Carlin, died in Santa Monica, California. He was 71.

2008-06-23T20:23:00.003+01:00

FUCK!!!

The world has become (believe it or not) and even more unhappy place.

On June 22, 2008, George Carlin one of the worlds finest comedians was admitted to St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica, California after complaining of chest pain. He died later that day at 5:55 p.m. PDT of heart failure at the age of 71.

In George's honour:

1. Shit - The bird shit on the statue.
2. Piss - I have to piss like a race horse.
3. Fuck - Fuck you.
4. Cunt - She has a rancid cunt.
5. Cocksucker - Go to hell, you cocksucker.
6. Motherfucker - You are a motherfucker.
7. Tits - Hey, nice tits.

1. Fart - I farted.
2. Turd - Who dropped a turd in the urinal?
3. Twat - Shave that hairy twat.

Salvatore Giuliano

2008-06-22T17:40:00.000+01:00

John McCain Called his wife a Cunt!!!!!

2008-06-21T09:43:00.001+01:00

News just in...old news but worth a look......this is based on a true story....

"Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain's intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day. If elected president of the United States, McCain would have many long days." via

Mike Strutter

2008-03-18T16:39:00.003Z

Just got an e mail form my cousin in Dubai, pointing out some amazing YouTube clips by comedian Paul Kaye (formerly Dennis Pennis) as Mike Strutter (pronounced 'Stwutter')

He is the foul-mouthed, curly haired L.A. lawyer who appears in the Dennis video - 'Too Rude To Live' and his own vid - 'A Star Is Porn'. He's based loosely on Sean Penn's character in 'Carlito's Way'...and is absolutely brilliant!!!

Warning: NSFW
Hobbies:

Game Show Host:

Struttergear Shit Stick:

Strutters Guide to London:

Sad news...

2008-03-03T16:20:00.002Z

Another hero of mine has passed away.

Blind Canadian rock musician Jeff Healey has died in a Toronto hospital aged 41 from a rare form of cancer, his publicist has said.

Healey, famed for playing his electric guitar flat on his lap, died of retinoblastoma which claimed his sight when he was a one-year-old-child.

His 1988 album See The Light was nominated for a Grammy award and sold one million copies in the US. Healey's latest album was due to be released in Canada on Monday.

His publicist Richard Flohil told broadcaster CTV: "Jeff was an intriguing player to watch, because he played guitar - by any conventional standard - all wrong, with it flat across his lap."
"But he was a remarkable, a virtuoso player," he added.
Colin Bray, a member of Healey's band who was at his bedside when he died, said: "I don't think any of us thought this was going to happen.
"We just thought he was going to bounce back like he always does."
Healey played with blues legend BB King and recorded with Mark Knopfler and the late George Harrison. He was also a lover of jazz, and hosted radio shows in Canada where he would play music from his record collection, which numbered more than 30,000. Last year, he underwent cancer surgery on his lungs and legs and had chemotherapy.

The musician is survived by his wife Christie and two children

The Boy with an Arse for a Face

2008-02-22T20:58:00.001Z

Saw this on TV last night, Mitchell and Webb just get better and better. Think this could be the funniest thing I've seen on TV for very many years, especially if you're familiar with UK Ch5's exploitative freak show documentaries....

What Europeans think of each other

2008-02-21T18:08:00.000Z

The French — Disliked by some Spanish (particularly the Catalonians), for being arrogant. One woman from Barcelona told me, “Come on¦who really likes the French? Nobody!” The Swiss don’t like the fact that they have contempt for authority and are lazy. The Brits, of course, have the most mixed feelings about the French, though. One half the country hates them, the other half loves them. Those that hate the French tend to like the Americans, and vice versa. In the UK, they’re considered stinky, rude (they never line/queue up like decent people), and a bit yellow, based on their tendency to not fend off invaders like the Nazis.The French, in turn, dislike the British, look down on Belgians for being stupid, and don’t have much to say, in my experience, about Spaniards or Germans (oddly).

The Italians — Most of the stereotypes are positive, but mostly because of the food. Northern Europeans consider them lazy and flaky, and maybe incapable of managing anything right (mostly because of the 50+ governments they’ve had since WW2). One Dutch professor I had dismissed another Italian one, saying, “All the Italians care about are pasta and mamma.”Italians, in turn, don’t have strong feelings about other Europeans, but within Italy, the north-south divide is pretty strong. Northern Italians continuously complain that Southerners are lazy and unproductive, while Southerners complain that Northerners are devoid of culture or joie de vivre.

The Germans — Germans are considered industrious but uptight and humorless, by just about all the other Europeans. They know WW2 is a sore spot for them, so other Europeans will often mercilessly tease them about it. As much as Germany is considered an economic powerhouse, the vast majority of Europeans don’t really want to learn German or study there (or send their kids there to study). The food is considered uninspired, too, and only Berlin has some cachet among younger Europeans for its vibrant underground club scene. The most anti-German sentiments are among the Dutch and Danish, who just hate them from invading their countries too often. When German ask for directions in Holland, they’re usually given directions to the shortest way out of the country, or told “Give us back our bikes!”, a reference to the fact that Germans confiscated Dutch bicycles during WW2.Danes hate it when you pronounce their capital as “ko-pen-HAH-gen”, because this is the German pronunciation. Either pronounce it the English way (with “HAY” instead), or the Danish way, which is literally impossible to put down here.Germans tend to like their Western neighbors far more than they are liked by them, but they look down on their Eastern neighbors, particularly Poles. They, oddly, have some mixed respect for the Czechs, who have resisted German aggression.

The Scandinavians — Widely respected by most other Europeans, because of their high standard of living …and blond hair and blue eyes. However, within Scandinavia there are some persistent stereotypes. The Norwegians, Danes and Finns all think the Swedes are stupid and uptight. Norwegians are considered racist. Danes are considered more blunt than the others, maybe a bit more cranky, and the Finns are oddly introverted, even by Scandinavian standards. Except for the Danes really disliking Germans, and Finns really disliking Russians, they don’t really have anything against other Europeans.

The Belgians — Considered idiots by both the Dutch and the French. Belgians, in turn, consider the Dutch to be a bunch of cranky assholes, and French stuck-up.

The Dutch — The Dutch, like the Scandinavians, have an enviable economy and social order that’s admired by southern European countries. However, they do have a reputation of being self-righteous “know-it-alls” and very similar to their German cousins in terms of their rigidity. But they do not like any comparisons to Germans, and if you remind them that the Dutch national anthem makes a reference to the Dutch being “van Duitse bloed” (from German blood), you might quickly get the silent treatment. The Dutch are also disliked for being the biggest misers in Europe, and because of this they incur the wrath of the tourist industry wherever they travel. The Dutch have been known to stock up on water before they take their campers down to the south of France.The Dutch, in turn, kind of look down on just about everyone. Yes, there’s a bit of a reason for the “know-it-all” smart-ass reputation they have.

The Swiss — Considered extremely rigid, even by the Germans. Blunt to the point of being rude, the Swiss probably have the least likely reputation for being characterized as “friendly” or “warm”. Note that there is a big cultural divide between French-speaking Swiss, and the German-speaking Swiss. The former are almost exactly like the French, except having a blander cuisine and more respect for authority, the latter being more like the Germans except even more stiff, rigid and cranky. However, everyone knows Switzerland “works” so the fact that foreigners comprise 20% of the population (mostly from EU member states) should make this clear.Note that the German-speaking Swiss also speak their own variant of German, which sounds very strange if you’ve only been exposed to standard “hoch-Deutsch”.

The Spaniards — Honestly, very little antagonism against the Spanish or by the Spanish. No one really seems to dislike them, and they don’t seem to really dislike anyone else. (Yes, some Spaniards near the border to France don’t like the French very much) Not entirely sure why. However, God forbid you speak Spanish with a Latin American accent — there is still a lot of snobbery among Spaniards towards Latin Americans. Spaniards consider themselves white and European, and would be deeply insulted if you suggested they were Latin American of any kind.

The Greeks — Only nominally considered European by other Europeans, but the Greeks fiercely identify as European. Naturally, this is a huge irritant to Greeks.

The Poles — Not much seems to register about Poland and the Poles except that they’re quiet. They are a relatively big country (40 million people) so the supposed scare of being overrun by Eastern Europeans when a bunch of Eastern European countries joined the EU in 2005 focused in on the Poles. The Germans really don’t like Poles, and among Germany’s 9 neighbors, are disliked the most. Poland is considered a country of car thieves by the Germans. Really, the relationship between Germany and Poland is similar to that of the United States and Mexico, and often for many of the same reasons (differences in income, history of war, different languages, etc.).Poles really shore up their hatred for their eastern & southern neighbors, primarily Russia and Ukraine, although they don’t like Czechs, Slovaks or Lithuanians either. Oddly, they don’t really mind the Germans, and probably still fear them a bit — you never, ever hear jokes about Germans in Poland.

The Czechs — Considered a relatively bright spot of Eastern Europe by Western Europeans, but I think primarily because Prague is such a gorgeous city and a popular tourist destination. Czechs are a bit like Germans, though — a bit rude, blunt, and cold. Poles don’t have much good to say about them.

The Austrians — Considered a mix of the best & worst aspects of Germany and the Balkans, Austrians are considered laid-back but very nationalistic and racist. They’re said to be the birthplace of Hitler, but never came around to being fully apologetic about the Holocaust (unlike Germany). Neutral feelings from most ofWestern Europe, negative feelings from Germans (who consider them backwards, and not always the representing the best image of German-speaking people) and admired by Eastern Europeans (a throwback to the Hapsburgs).

The British - About half of the British would be really angry at being called European, so that should provide an apt starting point. The main beef with the Brits is that they’re considered the lapdog of the U.S., and are anti-European because the U.S. tells them to be so. They are considered polite, but maybe a bit two-faced (hence “Janus Britain”) and snobby. The Scots and Welsh are tolerated and liked, inasmuch as that no one really knows too much about them outside the UK, but the English are those that bear the brunt of negative sentiments among other Europeans. After all, London is in England.
The English also have a poor reputation in tourist traps, such as Amsterdam and Ibiza, for being loud-mouthed, obnoxious drunks.
The English, in turn, really seem to hate everyone. This is because it’s pretty hard to find an Englishman that has even, at best, neutral opinions about other Europeans (or Americans, or other nationalities). Europe is full of English expats, and the longer they live abroad, the more they seem to hate their host country. And yet they never seem to want to move home.

The Irish — A very small country, despite its exaggerated importance in Americans’ minds (just over 3 million) but considered polite and humble. They nominally dislike the English, but I have yet to meet an Irishman who really loathes the English. The sentiments towards the Irish and by the Irish seem to be positive, overall.
I personally don’t know much about how the Portuguese, Hungarians, Romanians, Bulgarians, and others are perceived, or how they perceive others, but if you have something to add, please do so in the comments below.

In Heaven…

* the mechanics are German
* the chefs are French
* the police are British
* the lovers are Italian
* and everything is organized by the Swiss.

In Hell…

* the mechanics are French
* the police are German
* the chefs are British
* the lovers are Swiss
* and everything is organized by the Italians.

“Letter to America”

2008-02-19T16:02:00.001Z

John Cleese’s “Letter to America”
15 02 2008

Dear Citizens of America,

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”

3. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”,
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of Jessies - English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese

Joke

2008-02-19T15:55:00.000Z

A man goes to the cinema and takes his seat for the movie. He is sitting to a woman and her dog.Throughout the movie the dog laughs at the funny bits, cries at the sad bits and jumps at the scary bits.

"Wow," said the man, "Love, your dog is amazing. The way he reacts to the film, he loves it."

"I'm surprised aswell," replies the woman, "he hated the book."

Wow

2008-02-14T19:37:00.000Z

The Wow! signal was a strong, narrowband radio signal detected by Dr. Jerry R. Ehman on August 15, 1977 while working on a SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) project at the Big Ear radio telescope of the Ohio State University. The signal bore expected hallmarks of potential non-terrestrial and non-solar system origin. It lasted for 72 seconds, the full duration Big Ear observed it, but has not been detected again. It has been the focus of attention in the mainstream media when talking about SETI results. The Big Ear telescope was fixed and used the rotation of the Earth to scan the sky. At the speed of the earth’s rotation, and given the width of the Big Ear’s observation “window”, the Big Ear could observe any given point for just 72 seconds. An extraterrestrial signal, therefore, would be expected to register for exactly 72 seconds, and the recorded intensity of that signal would show a gradual peaking for the first 36 seconds — until the signal reached the center of Big Ear’s observation “window” — at which time it would show a gradual decrease. Therefore, both the length of the Wow! signal, 72 seconds, and its shape would correspond to an extraterrestrial origin. The region of the sky in which the signal was heard, lies in the constellation Sagittarius, roughly 2.5 degrees south of the fifth-magnitude star Chi-1 Sagittarii.

Laurie Lee

2008-02-12T20:16:00.000Z

"I was set down from the carrier's cart at the age of three; and there with a sense of bewilderment and terror my life in the village began.

The June grass, amongst which I stood, was taller than I was, and I wept. I had never been so close to grass before. It towered above me and all around me, each blade tattooed with tiger-skins of sunlight. It was knife-edged, dark, and a wicked green, thick as a forest and alive with grasshoppers that chirped and chattered and leapt though the air like monkeys. I was lost and didn't know where to move. A tropic heat oozed up from the ground, rank with sharp odours of roots and nettles. Snow-clouds of elder-blossom banked in the sky, showering upon me the fumes and flakes of their sweet and giddy suffocation. High overhead ran frenzied larks, screaming, as though the sky were tearing apart."

Spent the day out today, went to Stroud to visit a little village called Slad, where Laurie Lee who wrote "Cider with Rosie" came from. I met him a few times at the local pub, "The Woolpack" when I was studying English...and his "Rosie" book. Nice bloke, I have signed copies somewhere about, I wanted to be a rock star in those days and he signed "To Doug may you make Top of the Pops"...happier days they were.

Laurie is buried in the churchyard in a lovely spot overlooking the beautiful Slad valley, his gravestone reads, "He lies in the valley he loved" which I think is wonderful.

If you ever get chance to read one of his novels or some of his poetry, take the time to visit this place and you'll get a feeling for what he was all about, his lyrical prose is so deeply rooted in this place.

Joke

2008-02-07T19:31:00.000Z

A dog walks into a telegram office, takes out a blank form and writes:

"Woof.Woof.Woof.Woof.Woof.Woof.Woof.Woof.Woof."

The clerk examines the form and says to the dog:

"There are only nine words here mate. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."

The dog replies "But it wouldn't make any fucking sense then"

Dogs

2008-02-07T19:27:00.000Z

“A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesn’t care if you’re not smart, not popular, not a good joke-teller, not the best athlete, nor the best-looking person. To your dog, you are the greatest, the smartest, the nicest human being who was ever born. You are his friend and protector.”
-Louis Sabin, All About Dogs As Pets

“I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.”
-Penny Ward Moser

“Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.”
-Snoopy

“Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.”
-Henry Wheeler Shaw

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
-Andrew A. Rooney

“How’s it going Mr. Peterson?” - Woody “It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I’m wearing milk bone underwear.”
-Norm from “Cheers”

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.”
-Anonymous

“Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”
-Lewis Grizzard

“My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am”
-author unknown

“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
-Franklin P Jones

“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.”
-John Steinbeck

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”
-Ben Williams

Matchbox King size Lamborghini Miura K-24

2008-02-03T20:39:00.000Z

It doesn't get much prettier than this!
Another addition to my car collection, to replace missing vehicles of my youth. Been after one of these for quite a while now, and picked up a nice one for half the going rate of £45. Consider me a happy man tonight.

Joke

2008-01-30T18:12:00.000Z

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, "What is your name?"
"My name is Bob", says the boy.
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you president when al gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama bin laden?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "Ok where were we? Oh, that's right. Question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy raises his hand. George points him out and asked him "what is your name?"
"My name is Steve" says the boy.
"And what is your question Steve?"
"I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of UN? Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama bin laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? Fifth, where is Bob?"

Lost Friends

2008-01-26T19:23:00.000Z

I only just found out today that Dan Fogelberg died before Christmas.

Although I was not a massive fan, his album "Souvenirs" was one of the defining albums of my teenage years. Produced on this occasion by hero my Joe Walsh this album was pretty much his breakthrough set, and for me one of the finest albums of the 70's American folk rock era. If you ever get a chance to listen to it, take the opportunity, its a fantastic album.

Sorry and sad news.

Daniel Grayling Fogelberg
(August 13, 1951 – December 16, 2007)
Tribute site

Witty...

2008-01-25T20:09:00.000Z

"What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it."

Margot Asquith

via

Lenny

2008-01-25T20:06:00.000Z

Sami

2008-01-24T20:04:00.000Z

"Our first relationship is to nature. You are part of nature, not the master of nature. This also gives us a strong sense of solidarity - you are about other people. Money is not important and power is not important. It's more your personality, the human being that is important."

Mari Boine

Mari Boine Persen is a Norwegian Sami musician known for having added jazz and rock to the yoiks of her native people. Boine (born 8 November 1956 in Finnmark, Norway) grew up amid the Laestadian Christian movement as well as amidst discrimination against her people. She was asked to perform at the 1994 Winter Olympics in Lillehammer, but refused because she perceived the invitation as an attempt to bring a token minority to the ceremonies. Gula Gula (1989, Real World) was her breakthrough release, and she continued to record popular albums throughout the 1990s.

Paco

2008-01-21T19:01:00.001Z

For those of you who found the last post a little distasteful, let me redress the balance with the stunning flamenco guitar playing of the worlds finest guitarist, Paco de Lucia

Hey Toro!

2008-01-21T18:56:00.000Z

A controversial one...

Bullfighting, I am absolutely engrossed in it, fascinated by this cultural spectacle of wonderful Spain. I have spent the last few months reading many, many books on it, and viewing some excellent documentaries (albeit in Spanish) and I have formed my own opinions, which I think are quite well informed, if you'd like to share yours, feel free in the comments section.

Darwin Awards

2008-01-21T18:54:00.000Z

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.

A Darwin Award is a tongue-in-cheek honour named after evolutionary theorist Charles Darwin. "Awards" have been given for people who "do a service to Humanity by removing themselves from the Gene pool", i.e., lose the ability to reproduce.
It is for people who kill, or in rare cases, sterilize themselves accidentally by attempting to do stupid feats. As described in the Darwin Award books: The Awards honour people who ensure the long-term survival of the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a
little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer.... $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.
The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family...
unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember... They walk among us!!! ***
[absolutely no surprise that the majority of these retards are/were American!!]

Flamenco

2008-01-08T14:23:00.000Z

There aren't many forms of music these days as passionate and powerful as this.
Check out Paco de Lucia and Camarón de la Isla for starters, and if those sparks don't ignite you then you need a new heart and soul....and who can ignore those wonderful dancers!!

Brel

2008-01-08T14:20:00.000Z

Quotation

...in a man's life, there are two important dates : his birth and his death. Everything we do in between is not very important.

-Jacques Brel

A new angle

2008-01-08T14:15:00.000Z

Occasionally...just occasionally I think to myself I ought to be a bit more broad in my postings. I've had a few blogs in my time, My "Don't Vote for Bush" one was the last one I spent any real time on...see where that got me???
Ok! so I'm gonna start to add in a few other bits and pieces as and when the urge is there. Not gonna be a constant blogger updating daily but I'll post now and then as and when I see fit or have the energy or am just plain bored. Today I'm the latter.

Sheer Bloody Class

2007-12-29T16:34:00.000Z

London

2007-12-14T11:51:00.001Z

Off to London for a few nights, mum and dad house sitting, for my wife's birthday.
It's cold and promising to stay cold for a few days so fingers crossed it'll be a weekend full of seasonal splendor. Hoping to track down someone selling hot roast chestnuts, not seen much of this in recent years in the old capital. When I was a kid and we got taken to London it was a MUST to get some chestnuts from a street vendor, why is this growing so rare? Hope its not the health and safety fascists doing their bit.
Anyway lets hope for a successful and cheery weekend in the run up to Christmas, fingers crossed.
ciao

Dictators

2007-12-09T19:42:00.000Z

Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed.

And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. Hitler killed people next door.
Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won't stand for that, will we?
Eddie Izzard

Hero

2007-12-07T14:06:00.001Z

I found this image on eBay today, its a poster of my guitar hero Joe Walsh.
I had this poster on my wall when I was a teenager, and when I moved into my first pad too, so all in all it must have hung over my bed for about 10-12 years. I'm not even sure if I still have it somewhere up in the attic with my vinyl collection..I'd look if I could get in there amongst all the other stuff. Anyway I bought it for myself, don't think the wife will let me put it up in our marital bedroom, but when I get the attic fixed up properly one day maybe it'll be framed and take pride of place up there.

Funny, I haven't played my guitars for a good few years now, and after a little session revisiting my old Joe Walsh Cd's I fired up the Strat' and Tele' and had a wee burn up. To my surprise I can still play a bit. I used to be pretty good, at one time I was playing daily for 3-4 hours a few years back, then I got hit with depression and it all went by the wayside. I hope maybe one day it'll all fizz back up again, because I have to say, the 2 hours I spent "shredding" the fretboard have got to have been about the most fun I've had in years.

Thanks Joe.

Cal

2007-12-06T12:12:00.000Z

To Cal
Another year has passed without my most wonderful friend, and I still can't bring myself to say goodbye.

I will see you in the morning fella...just like I always promised.

"He's just my dog.
He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds;
my other ears that hear above the winds.
He has told me more than a thousand times over that I am his reason for being -- by the way he rests against my leg, by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile, by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me).
When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive.
When I am angry he clowns to make me smile.
When I am happy, he is joy unbounded.
When I am a fool, he ignores it.
When I succeed, he brags.
Without him, I am only another person.
With him, I am all powerful.
He has taught me the meaning of devotion is loyalty itself.
With him, I know the secret comfort and a private peace.
He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant.
His head on my knee can heal my human hurts.
His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things.
He has promised to wait for me ... whenever ... wherever ... in case I need him, and I expect I will, as I always have.

Who is he? -- He's just --

MY DOG!"

Sketches of Spain

2007-11-19T19:57:00.000Z

Spain?...never been there, though I have it high on my list of places to visit before I die. I love Flamenco music, Cameron de La Isla had one of the most emotive voices I have ever heard, and Paco de Lucia can play a guitar with so much passion it can make you weep.

However I am digressing. I came here to talk about Miles Davis' "Sketches of Spain". I bought this album first of all to impress a young lady I was taking out for a day trip to Bath. I wanted to show I was cultured and this was one way I showed it, by buying this album on vinyl. I must have been a re-issue because my LP version didn't have the usual cover and I haven't been able to track that one down for you to see. Anyway, listening to this album the other night it struck me as to why I love it so much, the big band support that Gil Evans orchestrated gives the album the same sort of sound that I remember hearing drifting up the stairs from our front room when I was a kid...not quite Tijuana Brass and Herb Alpert, but definitely a fore runner.
The girl I was trying to impress.....I married her.

How to Murder Your Wife

2007-11-18T11:46:00.000Z

Misogynistic?.....Moi???
Non!
I love my wife, she's my complete soul mate. This film appeared on TV this morning, and its just one of those films that rattled my nostalgic cage. Jack Lemmon and terry Thomas, who could ask for more. Its a good old Sunday afternoon by the fire while its blowing and raining outside film.

Morning!

2007-07-18T21:06:00.001+01:00

Well, this old place needs a bit of a dust off, and a fresh lick of paint.

I haven't posted here since the snow back in February I think. Not much of a nostalgic nature seems to haunt me during the summer months...not that you'd call this piss poor excuse for a July "summer". Anyway, maybe I'll be back popping in and out in the next few weeks or so, maybe not...it seems a shame to dump this place the way I have done so many other blogs, simply because this one is more personal and holds my memories for me to save space in my head for all this new 21st century junk.

Anyway, thought I'd post this little gem, an interview with one of my favourite writers, Gunter Grass where he discusses his autobiography, the controversy over his disclosure of SS service in the final stages of the war, and the difficulties in separating fact from fiction when looking back.

Link

Couple of tasty links for you

2007-03-29T16:36:00.000+01:00

Had an e mail from the editor of Urban75 ezine no less, who had a couple of Back to the 70's and Cardiff related stories which some viewers might enjoy.

I really liked the Thin Lizzy one, so thank you Mike Slocombe!!

Bill Hicks

2007-03-17T19:56:00.000Z

“I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor - even Prime Minister, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns, I always wanted to be the avenging cowboy hero—that lone voice in the wilderness, fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go, in my endless ride into the setting sun.”

...slight edit courtesy of me

Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff

2007-03-13T19:18:00.000Z

Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Retrieved From Secret Vault To Save Rock And Roll

GWYNEDD, WALES—Calling it the planet's last, best hope for saving rock music, the Guardians of the Protectorate of Rock announced Monday that they would take the extraordinary step of unleashing a never-before-heard Jimmy Page riff, hidden for decades in a mythic, impenetrable vault.

"We who believe in the immortality of rock took a vow 30 years ago that we would never release this incredibly powerful force unless we faced a Day of Reckoning—and that day has come," said Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi, one of the chosen few who helped forge the Secret Vault to Save Rock and Roll, at a press conference in the Welsh highlands. "Just look at the pop charts, and you shall know I speak the truth."

"Let's give rock and roll its fucking balls back," he added.

The Guardians said recent developments in the music world, such as the unaccountable popularity of the Dixie Chicks and Sufjan Stevens, have created a "perfect storm of lameness" from which rock might never recover. While Iommi refused to say when the vault would be opened, hard rock sources believe it will take place just prior to next month's Fall Out Boy–Honda Civic tour, which many fear will suck the remaining lifeblood from all that still rocks.

"Citizens of Rock, we refuse to stand idly by any longer," ZZ Top founder and Protectorate High Elder Billy Gibbons said. "When a puss like James Blunt is allowed to rule the airwaves, we must respond by exposing this monster riff, and blowing minds into the stratosphere."

The Protectorate, devoted to the preservation of badass jams and blistering guitar solos, was reportedly formed in the 1970s during the rise of adult contemporary music. According to legend, the riff, played only once by Page and recorded on a special cobalt record, contains the raw power, mind-blowing skill, and unbridled passion of all the Guardians combined. Recently translated parchments from the era describe it as a soul-searing power-chord progression faintly resembling a cross between "Smoke On The Water" and "Living Loving Maid," but "basically defying all description."

It is believed that, upon the riff's release, even those who claim that the genre is dead will have no choice but to pump their fists, bang their heads, and bow down to the gods of rock for all eternity.

"May God have mercy on our souls for what we are going to set loose upon the world," proclaimed Queen guitarist Brian May, dressed in druidic robes and bathed in the rising blue smoke of a nearby fog machine. "Will it save rock or destroy mankind? We have no way of knowing—yet we have no other choice."

Members of the Protectorate were each given only partial information about the location of the vault, which they were instructed to open in unison only in the event of a total Rockopalypse. While some believed the vault was buried in Boston, Chicago, Kansas, Europe, or Asia, others claimed it could be found in the Court of the Crimson King.

However, after piecing together clues hidden in Yes album covers and Pink Floyd liner notes, rock historians now believe the riff is locked away deep beneath the Welsh countryside house known as Bron-Yr-Aur, at rock-grid coordinates SH735026. British weather satellites have also photographed an enormous cloud, shaped like a hybrid of an upside-down question mark and cross, forming above these exact coordinates.

The vault's Key, regarded as too staggering a burden for any one man to bear, was divided in two parts, with half entrusted to Eddie Van Halen and half to David Lee Roth, shortly after Roth left the rock supergroup Van Halen. The two men, who have refused to work together for 20 years, recently announced plans for a historic reunion tour.

"Before we shake Heaven and Earth with the vicious power of this riff, we of the High Council of Elders of the Guardians of the Protectorate of Rock ask you: Are you about to rock?" AC/DC guitarist Angus Young said. "If so, we salute you."

When asked to comment on the possible dangers of using the riff, Sir Paul McCartney seemed surprised.

"There's a secret vault to save rock and roll?" McCartney said. "This is the first I've heard of it."

60 second rant...

2007-03-08T18:27:00.000Z

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up! And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had To steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a Copy of "Hustler" at the local newsagent! Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the Phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mum, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600 or the Commodore 64! with games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the cinema there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old tart with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had television, but back then that was only like 3 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a Radio Times to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, You spoiled little rat-bastards! And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up. We had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire...imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it Too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards, The over 30 Crowd

Googlewhack

2007-02-28T10:51:00.000Z

Not sure if it counts as a googlewhack (too many words), but if you search for the "h&r-genealogy edition 9" this site returns the only hit!

Nothing to do with nostalgia admittedly, just a point of (minute) interest (to me anyway)

Guilty pleasure??

2007-02-28T10:22:00.000Z

Guilty pleasure my arse!!

I have just received my copy of the re-issue of Electric Light Orchestra's - "Out of the Blue". I now have three copies of this album, the original vinyl (up in the attic somewhere) and 2 cd's. The new one comes with the space ship cut out and make model in the booklet, just like the original, just a pity they didnt include the lyrics on this version.
Anyway does it still stand the test of time??...well yes it does, it doesn't sound too dated considering it first saw the light of day in 1978 nearly 30 years ago!!! There are some cheesy songs in there, but each one could have been a hit single back in the day. It's not very often that an album gets released with so little filler. I'd say that maybe there's one duff cut on the whole set.

I bought this album originally in the face of the punk explosion that had just hit my part of the world, and it took pride of place alongside my Queen, Eagles, Joe Walsh, Clash, Stranglers and Adverts albums. I was never embarrassed or guilty about its inclusion in my collection then, and am not now.

I remember the day I bought it, in fact it was one of the first times I was allowed to go to "town" and went with my cousin Nick. There was this great record store in Cardiff called Sound Advice in Castle Arcade, all dark and mysterious, great logo, and one of the girls who used to serve was a real hotty by my early teenage standards..ie she didnt wear a bra!!!!! Can't recall what he bought that day, but I know we bought those joke cigarettes with the talcum powder in them that gave off puffs of "smoke" when you blew through them...wasn't long before I graduated to the real thing. As we arrived at my house the miserable old sod next door took a look at the record store bag and mumbled some derogatory comment about "more of that bloody noise" cos the record player had its speakers mounted on the adjoining wall and he'd bare the full brunt when my parents were out...haha!

Old people never "get" kids do they/we??

Snow in Wales (pt 2)

2007-02-09T11:30:00.000Z

Yep, there's more snow in them there hills!

What a lovely day, woke up to a light frost, by 7.30a.m we had a good shower of the precious white stuff, and now it's still going here and its 11.30a.m, and the forecast says its in well into the middle of the afternoon .

Took some more pics, here you go.

Snow at last

2007-02-08T09:18:00.000Z

Yes!! It's finally here...

Bollocks to you Global Warming!!!!!! Haha!!

Nothing quite like snow to get the nostalgia juices flowing. After days of promises we finally got the white stuff here in Wales.

Went to bed excited, woke up at 3 a.m....nothing!! Then 7.00a.m...what do ya know...snow!!!

Its been almost exactly a year since we last had some, and like last year I expect it will be pretty much gone by lunchtime around here, although they forecast more cold weather and freezing conditions. So if you're home and its snowing now...get the fuck out there and make the most of it, for once the world looks clean and nice.

War of the Worlds

2007-02-07T17:14:00.000Z

"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one," he said.

"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one - but still they come!"

Yup...Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds. What a magnum Opus...what a palaver!! Richard Burton, Phil Lynott, David Essex and Justin Hayward!!! (I hated the Moody Blues by the way!)
Funnily enough never bought it, but borrowed it of someone in school during the Christmas holidays. I only ever got as far as the first side, and bits of that are in the black hole of memories. I have an Mp3 version of it now, and I've listened to it a few times now, and decided that on the whole it's an overblown piece of fluff really, but then that's what the 70's were all about!!

Life on Mars

2007-01-30T20:14:00.000Z

Ok, so Its really time to mention this amazing TV show, especially as the new series is about to start (as mentioned below)

Life On Mars

This is a great show, first class acting, excellent storylines, humour and genuine thriller story lines. It also has some killer lines, and it is so full of all those great 70's icons, fashions, scenery & cars, all those things that this blog has been about. Set in 1972 it tells the story of DI Sam Tyler, who after an accident ends up in a coma, that sends him back the the 1970's. In the past he teams up cops in his precinct but 30 years ago, and spends his time cracking cases and banging heads with Gene Hunt - a cop straight from The Sweeney book of crime stoppers. With a whole cast of characters and a backdrop of northern grit, the whole lot just stinks of classy research and writing. Don't miss it.

Here is a box....

2007-01-30T20:03:00.000Z

Just seen the advert promo for the new series of that nostagia maniacs delight, the very wonderful "Life On Mars" and it features a cunning little play on the wonderful old show Camberwick Green "

Take a look at the trailer HERE

Here you go....click this and I dare you not to raise a smile:

Here is a box... (98k sound file)

"Here is a box, a musical box, wound up and ready to play. But this box can hide a secret inside. Can you guess what is in it today ?"

Click on the link above and delve into a box of delights, those old shows from when you were a kid, when kids Tv wasn't about fashion, lots of noise or trying to sell you something!...(God I am turning into an old man!)

see also Trumpton, and Chigley the stuff of legends

Cadbury's Seville Orange

2007-01-28T12:58:00.000Z

I know more fans are out there, so where do you get this stuff from now??? I've seen re-issues of "Old Jamaica", but this was the top treat chocolate for me. Lumps of candies orange peel in (I think) dark Cadburys chocolate. I e mailed Cadbury's once and they said they have no intention of bringing it back....what a bunch of bastards!!!

I can't even find a picture of the wrapper, and I'm starting to believe I dreamt it all. The closest I have come is some company in Seattle making it, and I know Thorntons do one too, but its not the same dammit!

If you know of any information about this, I'd appreciate some assistance.

Brut 33, Blue Stratos and Denim

2007-01-27T21:37:00.000Z

The 3 staples of 70's schoolboy hygiene: Brut 33, Denim and Blue Stratos!!

Brut was your first inroads into fragrances for men, the one you first splashed all over...literally all over! Advertised by Henry Cooper at first then, my hero, Barry Sheen (a real ladies man he was too) it was the every day choice for teenage boys in the seventies. Morning regime...alarm goes off, out of bed, into bathroom, brush teeth, spray liberally with Brut, get dressed, breakfast then school.

Denim came along a little bit later in my memory, and became the middle of the road choice, the one for family 'get togethers' where you wanted to appear grown up, but had no one to really impress...also good for after games lessons and that 5 second run through shower. This became a staple gift from aunties across the country as of Christmas '79.

Then came Blue Stratos!.......Blue Stratos was the Daddy of them all:

"Blue Stratos is one of the famous masculine fragrances, a classic which features as a landmark FOUGERE fragrance in the industry 'bible' the H&R Genealogy of masculine fragrances. The Fougere fragrance concept is based upon the interplay between lavender and oak moss. Originally this perfume accord was intended to serve as a contribution to feminine fragrance creations. However, over time it came to be used more and more as an ingredient in masculine creations and is acknowledged to have underwritten many key developments within masculine fragrance, including the Blue Stratos fragrance in 1976"

This was the one you kept for the REALLY SPECIAL occasions..you saved it for the school Christmas disco, or for when you had double English sat next to that girl in 4R you fancied...or most of all for that crucial first date!

I bought all of these on line last year for a few fragrance nostalgia moments, and in fact I have requested some Brut for my up and coming birthday along with a couple of Bond (Connery) DVDs. They still smell good, and fragrances like no other part of our senses are finely tuned for nostalgia.

Other contenders we all remember are Burley, Old Spice, Hi Karate and even Mandate (hehehe what a hidden meaning that one has!) but none really broke the top three hold on our teenage years. It's time for a return to old values, and its a time for a return to old smells too!

Skateboards

2007-01-27T21:16:00.000Z

I was a skateboarder...old school, the class of '77!

I have no idea how it all started, but I do remember that summer, and all of a sudden, where I lived, single roller skates were changing hands for astronomical prices and then being hurried off into a thousand garden sheds for the fabrication of a new fangled skateboard!! My first one was in about October of '77, I bought a skate from a double dealing bastard who showed me the goods, took my cash then fucked off to swap the wheels over before completing the deal...what a shit, I was 11 for gods sake!! Anyway, I cut (hacked) a deck from plywood in my dads shed, and hey presto I was doing wheelies and 360's til the sun set.

Come that Christmas and EVERYONE had a skateboard! They were selling them in all the shops, even in petrol stations, and they even opened a proper skateboard shop in Cardiff. I can remember queues around the corner, and it was where we could go and stare at all those bits and pieces we couldnt afford, Kryptonic wheels, Gull wing trucks...oh the bliss and the pain of it. Those wheels were £30 each and that was then!! My first "real" skateboard in total cost no more than about a tenner.

Then it was the helmet, the elbow pads, the knee pads...the gloves, and then it died! Too expensive I always reckoned, the kids were priced out of the market, I could only afford to buy grip tape with my pocket money! There was no way we could climb to the higher echelons of skateboard fashion, I never even met someone who had those fancy pieces on their board, we were street skaters, couldn't afford to be fashion victims in this scene.

I have searched in vain for a picture of the board I had then, white fibreglass with a red logo, clear piss coloured wheels which I loaded with grease to make them smoother, but I could never make it fast enough. Next thing I picked up a guitar and anything vaguely to do with the great outdoors, exercise and fashion disappeared from the horizon for the remainder of my childhood...and come to think of it...my life!

I think my dad might still have that old board stashed away in the garage, might just drag it out for one last "walk the dog" before I die???...then again maybe some things are best left to the past?

Space 1999

2007-01-24T21:00:00.000Z

Just been watching an episode of Space 1999 on ITV 4...hooray for digital freeview tv!

Think I have mentioned elsewhere in this humble blog about the Space 1999 issue and only getting to see it once in a blue moon here in Wales...or did I dream that? Anyway, it is still looking good, the sets are so very 1970's that you cannot help but feel a nostalgic twinge. It stands up well, the acting is pretty good, and the overall feel is excellent, not as corny or cheesy as the original Star Trek, and right up there with the later space shows like "Buck Rogers" and "Battlestar Galactica" (tho 1999 didn't have anything like Erin Gray - Col. Wilma Deering) A classic still!!!

Find out more here

Useless/useful trivia moment....Catherine Schell who played "beautiful Psychon alien Maya" was also Lady Litton in the brilliant "Return of The Pink Panther" and as Bond girl "Nancy" in the George Lazenby James Bond film "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" (just an excuse to put a pretty lady in my blog for a change)

Flashback

2007-01-22T21:02:00.000Z

Sorry about the relatively unseasonal posting here, but I had to add this little gem to the christmas music list. A real slice of soul-lessness from one of my favourite all time bands The Eagles. This one came out just as they were falling apart from their coke fuelled late 70's success/excess. Even the cover says it all. Anyway, I liked the B-side.

For when I get nostlagic for a good laugh

2007-01-06T15:30:00.000Z

Belated Happy New Year

New Year...another one??

2006-12-31T21:06:00.000Z

Yup, well here it is, New Years Eve, and its raining!
Good old UK weather!!

I sincerely wish all of my readers a very peaceful and happy new year, those who I helped out with the Tijuana Christmas mp3s I hope it helped make your Christmas a little brighter, that I was able to help you out made me feel good too.

Take care
doug65

Films at Christmas

2006-12-25T16:55:00.000Z

Well just lying here digesting 100cwt of turkey, enjoying "Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger"
one of those great films they drag out at Christmas. This one, a little like "The Great Escape" always seems to be on at some point, but this is a really good old yarn.

Much better enjoyed as a kid I'm sure with Ray Harryhausen's stop motion characters, but there's also a more adult angle with the stunning Jane Seymour there to provide all the sweetness and light a man could desire.

Typically this one is a Boxing day early afternoon film, one to watch just before you set out for late afternoon tea and evening fun and games with the whole extended family. Kind of makes me feel warm and cosy inside...or is that just the sprouts????

Merry Christmas and a Peaceful New Year

2006-12-24T10:37:00.000Z

Thank you to those of you who have visited here, please keep coming back.
Have a very calm and peaceful Christmas, and a wonderful New Year.
Warm Regards
Your Host

and here as a special treat, in keeping with the music posts of late, probably the funniest thing I've seen all year....

Great records (I had) for Christmas

2006-12-23T19:19:00.000Z

*Not "Christmas" records, but records I had for Christmas.

Ok so the first truly great record I had for Christmas was Queens "Night at the Opera", an album I have mentioned elsewhere on this blog. It was my first EVER album record, and as such it holds a very special place in my heart, sending me on to a lifetime of musical joy and discovery. I must have played it until the grooves wore through straight to the other side. The moment the rolling piano lines of "Death On Two Legs..." roll into view my spine still tingles. A monumental moment in my musical history.

There are a few others too...

I got my first record player (yup RECORD player) in I think '77 or '78. I was twelve or thirteen, and that Christmas I had a number of singles: Blondie "Hangin' on the Telephone", Ian Dury "Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick", and an Electric Light Orchestra EP featuring "Ma Ma Belle", "Strange Magic", "Evil Woman", and "Can't Get it Out of My Head". That was the year I discovered Punk music in a strange tandem with The Eagles and ELO?? I also had that year The Eagles' "On The Border", and ELO's "On The Third Day".

I have always had a fairly broad taste in music...it swings and sways wildly practically weekly...my bank balance proves that. The Rolling Stones always featured big in my Christmas record lists, "Tattoo You" and "Goats Head Soup" being notable ones, and The Eagles always appeared big on the scene in the late 70's and early 80's, "The Long Run" and "Eagles Live" being the two that stand out as of particular importance to me. Later again it was Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet". Coming to the 90's and I was all Frank Zappa'd up, and I was into "Shut Up and Play Your Guitar" and "Broadway The Hard Way".

Other years, In no chronological order I've also been high on:-
Calexico, Santana, Weather Report, The Who's "Quadrophenia", U2's "War", Townes Van Zandt, Ten Years After, the absolutley awesome never to be beaten Joe Walsh (my hero), Siouxsie and the Banshees, Pink Floyd, Dire Straits, The Hellecasters, The Clash, Springsteen, Metallica, Steve Vai and Joe Satriani, Jethro Tull...last year the wonderful Sigur Rós, this year Bjórk...but I'm proud to say absolutely NEVER..EVER Bob Dylan or The Beatles!!! (shudders) Every one reflected a stage of my musical development (I play a mean guitar too)

Funny how these albums are ones that always seem to appear in my CD player or iPod (now I'm a true man of the 21st century) this time of year. Incidentally...and I'm no audiophile, but most of these albums REALLY DO sound better on vinyl. I'm sure there are more, but they escape me at the moment. Anyone have any of they're own to share??

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!

2006-12-23T17:35:00.000Z

White Christmases a thing of the past?? Well it makes you wonder doesn't it. Sitting here in my centrally heated home, looking out onto the foggy chill of recent days put me in mind of a search for winters past. I always enjoyed winters, Oct-Dec 'cos Christmas is coming, and January 'cos my birthday was coming. I had a little look on the net and found this neat site: The history of British winters and this one: British Winter Snowfall Events 1875-2004. Just to prove to myself that yes it did snow in the winter when I was a kid.

I used to live in a house that looked over a place we called The Quarry, but which was playing fields (I remember when all this was fields!!!), but not flat, more like a hillside. My bedroom, a box-room, was at the front of the house, and my view over the Quarry was almost a full 180. We had storage heaters in the house, but not in my room, so there would often be frost inside the window when I woke up on winter mornings. It was bitterly cold in there, the nightly routine of hot drink and hot water bottle will be familiar to some. I would then curl up at the bottom of the bed, head tucked in, and warm that little area with my breath, before extending my legs a little until I slowly moved up to full stretch and a fully warmed bed.

Anyway, when it snowed I would stare out of the window from my bed and watch as the world turned from green to white, watch the world suddenly start to look neat and unsullied, watch the smoke rise from the chimneys and look at the warm heated glow of the coal fire-lit windows of the houses around. It was lovely.

I have always loved snow, not just for the sheer childish joy of the fun and games, but because of the beautiful whitewash it gives the world around. For a few days each year the world looked clean and new and untouched.

Here are some details of my winters past ('65-'85 the years I mainly cover here) from the above named site:

1965-66: The second half of November saw snow in most areas. The next lot came a bit later, late January, in Eastern parts. February, the turn of the North East. April was surprising though, as heavy falls were recorded, exceptionally heavy in parts of Northern England, where up to 1 foot was found! Mid April saw more snow, with 5 inches in the South. Quite remarkable late falls, but other than that, not a spectacular winter as that of 62-63! Still regarded as snowy though I would say.

1968-70: The first of these 2 winters saw snow in late December, around the New Year, in Eastern Scotland and England. Eastern Yorkshire saw a massive 16 inches! Mid February saw more snow, this time more to the West, with England and Wales seeing the most. Mid March saw more in the Pennines, and a TV mast fell down. 69-70 saw snow for Northern England, North Wales, and Scotland in mid November. Mid December saw snow for the North again. Mid February, most parts, and early March, snow in Wales and England, with the Midlands getting 12 inches.

1970-76: Little snow for 6 winters! Ring any bells?! Very similar pattern to the 90s-early 00s, ending the snow drought with a hot summer (76 / 03!) when the snow returned for 1976...

1976-77: Heavy wet snow fell in early December, mid December, and mid January. Mid January also saw some good coverings though, up to 6 inches lying at times.

1977-78: Mid January, 6 foot drifts! A week later, and 4 inches fell. Mid February saw 4 inches also. Late January, heavy snow in Scotland, drifting, 28 inches falling in parts! Mid February (see above) was very snowy in the North East, East and South West. February 11th had 1 ft in Durham and Edinburgh. Feb. 15-16th South West England, blizzard with huge drifts, sounds like my cup of tea!

1978-79: Late December falls of 6-7n inches in Southern Scotland and the North East started it off. It was very cold in parts. Mid February saw drifts of 6-7 feet on the East coast of England. Mid March had severe blizzards and drifting, in North Eastern England drifts reached a staggering 15 feet! Very snowy.

1981-82: Mid December, South West and Southern England seeing 12 inches. North East England getting 7 inches, with 6 foot drifts. 2 days later (20th December) Northern England got 7 inches, and 6 foot drifts. Mid January, there was general snow, with a cover of 1-2 feet in parts. Snowy, and very cold.

1984-85: Very cold and snowy, especially in Southern England. It was a very cold winter. Early January, there was snow in Eastern England. Mid January, East Anglia and Kent getting the goods, with 6 inches falling here. Mid January, South West England and South Wales (yippee!). Late January seeing snow in Scotland, and the prone spots, such as Aviemore, getting 2ft of level snow, Northern Britain as a whole affected though. Mid February, Southern England, 6-12 inches, substantial drifting taking place. 29th March gave Scotland snow. A memorable year. Snowy.

Tijuana Christmas - A seasonal offer (repeat post)

2006-12-19T11:55:00.000Z

Just to repost this little item as its getting pushed off the page by newer things...

If you contact me by my e mail address, (see side bar) and leave a nice comment, I'll let you know how you can get your own copy. Be quick tho' as I won't be around forever...and please don't forget to leave a comment.

Update: I've had about a dozen takers so far, but there are only 24 hrs left of this special offer because as of tomorrow at about 9.00pm this pc is shutting down for a few days of merriment

Gulity pleasures - The Christmas edition

2006-12-19T11:43:00.000Z

Ok, so now we've established that Christmas is a time when we let ourselves go a bit. Here then, are some of my guilty Christmas musical pleasures.

Firstly, Wham - "Last Christmas", why?...I'm not sure really, but it brings back memories of my late teens or early twenties, not sure on the date this was released, should research it really shouldnt I?? (waits...) Ok this came out in 1984,* I'd be 19! Just left school, In University trying desperately to "find myself"..not sure this would have helped. Anyway, this would have been a very drunken Christmas, and also the Christmas I discovered Bruce Springsteen...what a contrast then!

Anyway, so here's the video:

Secondly, and this one, if possible is even more painful...Chris de Burgh "A Spacemen Came Travelling"..which research tells me came out in '88. This one...well no excuses really, I just like it. There is no proper video on YouTube (sigh of relief) but there is this neat little animation made by someone with far too much time on their hands, but to whom I must be grateful for allowing this film to be posted:

...and just to get the credibility back somewhat, here's good old Bill Bailey taking the piss!

* According to a very reliable source (see comments) it was actually first released in '75

Great Christmas music from the 70's & 80's

2006-12-16T22:51:00.000Z

I've had a small trawl through YouTube for some of the better Christmas songs that I haven't already mentioned, so I give you Wizzard (Two "Z's" I looked it up), Slade, The Pogues and Jona Lewie, all of which have a special little place in my heart at Christmas.

White Christmas

2006-12-15T15:08:00.000Z

Global warming!!! What's the chance that I'll ever get to see one of these now...a White Christmas???

This is another of those must see Christmas movies, one that's more steeped in family tradition than any other film in my personal history. I think I have mentioned elsewhere in this blog, about my Dad recording the soundtrack songs on our new and groovy "cassette recorder", the microphone resting against the tv stand to get the best sound, the family condemned to silence for the duration of the taping. I had the tape for years, and on it you could hear along with Danny Kaye, Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney and Vear Ellen - the sound of the occasional sniff, cough and plate being scraped and we finished our dinner. It must have been an important occasion for us to be watching TV while we at our tea (Tea is what us Welsh call dinner!!) for we always ate at the table in the kitchen in our house. How many can say that happens these days???

In my opinion this one knocks "Holiday Inn" into a cocked hat when it comes to Christmas musicals, though they are both similar in many respects, but the shear size and colour of the production makes this one the one for me, and itys also good for a few weepy moments after a few glasses of the Bristol Cream.

By the way, if your looking for a top tipple for santa this Christmas, you cant go wrong with my old favourite, Stone's Ginger Wine...top tot to wash down a mince pie for a cold and hungry St Nick. My sister and I always put a glass of this out for Santa before we slipped off to bed, far too excited to sleep, and it always seemed to do the trick for in the morning we got our rewards. Later on I found its an excellent mixer for Jack Daniels, never had a problem with sleep after a few of those!!!!

It's a Wonderful Life

2006-12-15T15:00:00.000Z

"...every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings"

I am not really sure when or where I saw this film first, but it has become part and parcel of my nostalgia for Christmas, as no doubt, it is for many many people. Regularly voted in the polls in the top 10 movies of all time, it is quite simply the quintessential Christmas feel good movie. I'm sure that a major part of its appeal is the fact that it harks back to a time when life did actually seem to have some meaning, family, work, communities of people working together, knowing each other, rather than today' world of ASBO's and binge drinking...welcome to the 21st century eh???

Anyway, if you get the chance and its on this year, sit down with a nice cup of tea, some mince pies and a hankie, and enjoy the feel good factor, it might be all you get this year!

Cal

2006-12-12T19:30:00.000Z

"He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile.

When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me... whenever... wherever - in case I need him. And I expect I will - as I always have. He is just my dog."

Tijuana Christmas - A seasonal offer.

2006-12-10T18:28:00.000Z

There has been a fair amount of interest in this album on this site, and the post I made about it. It's a wonder it hasn't been re-released. However I have made up a digital copy, mp3 to wav thingy. If you contact me by my e mail address, (see side bar) and leave a nice comment, I'll let you know how you can get your own CD copy. Be quick tho' as I won't be around forever...and please don't forget to leave a comment.

The Christmas we get we deserve...

2006-12-10T09:45:00.000Z

Christmas songs....its the rock and pop ones i'm referring to here. I have a theory that the last great era for Christmas songs was the early eighties. I was in the sixth form in 81, '82, '83, and seem to remember a vast influx of yuletide tunes, Wham, Jona Lewie, Shaking Stevens, Band Aid, Chris de Burgh...added to the usual John and Yoko, Slade and Wizzard. Some of them still stand the test of time. Sure, they are a little "twee" but they are part of my history, and when they come on the radio, or I slip on the Christmas Hits cds, the memories come flooding back, of late teenage Christmas's: broken hearts, drunken family parties and even some good old snow. They are good memories. Memories of the last vestiges of innocence before the true nature of the world revealed itself in all its murkiness.

Not for me are all Christmas songs actual festive compositions, Eagles' "Heartache Tonight"and Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love", Ian Dury's "Hit me with your Rhythm Stick" and ELO's "Cant Get it out of my Head" are all songs that hit my tender spot in the festive season and they still hold true today as "Christmas" songs too.

A really good Christmas song, however, can carry memories and last forever.

My first really great Christmas song was "Ring Out Solstice Bells", which I bought as a 7" EP, (which apparently goes for a few bob now...I saw one copy for £30!!) That one has stayed as a favourite, and is definitely in my top 2, nipping and tucking with Greg Lake's "I Believe in Father Christmas" which strangely I never bought, until a few years ago.

It's nice to look at this old Top of the Pops video, another part of my youth now dead and gone, somehow it goes so well, so typically seventies....

"...Solstice Bells" exudes a quintessential English folk feel that Tull will ever be known for, undoubtedly seasonal without the traditional clichés except for a few bells at the finale. Check out this animated movie set to the song, which puts into mind the whole atmosphere of the song.

"Now is the solstice of the year.
winter is the glad song that you hear.
Seven maids move in seven time.
Have the lads up ready in a line.

Ring out these bells.
Ring out, ring solstice bells.
Ring solstice bells.

Join together 'neath the mistletoe,
by the holy oak whereon it grows.
Seven druids dance in seven time.
Sing the song the bells call, loudly chiming.

Ring out these bells.
Ring out, ring solstice bells.
Ring solstice bells.

Praise be to the distant sister sun,
joyful as the silver planets run.
Seven maids move in seven time.
Sing the song the bells call, loudly chiming.

Ring out these bells.
Ring out, ring solstice bells.
Ring solstice bells.
Ring on, ring out.
Ring on, ring out."

The other top Christmas song is Greg Lake's "I Believe in Father Christmas" which for me recalls many personal memories of childhood Christmases: finding out there's no Santa after all, seeing a world around that continues to blindly maim and murder despite all the promises of the seasonal goodwill, and of course, the fact that it just keeps on raining and it never bloody snows! All this wrapped in a beautifully arranged version of Prokofiev's Troika from Lieutenant Kije, again seasonal without the clichés, and wonderfully atmospheric. Strangely for some people the video was a composite of desert scene and real life war film footage, but nothing better than to present the viewer with the hypocrisy of the modern Christmas.

The audio is quiet on the above version so check this one out with the different visuals:

They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the virgins birth
I remember one Christmas morning
A winters light and a distant choir
And the peal of a bell and that Christmas tree smell
And their eyes full of tinsel and fire

They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a silent night
And they told me a fairy story
till I believed in the Israelite
And I believed in father Christmas
And I looked at the sky with excited eyes
till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave new year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on earth
Hallelujah, Noel, be it heaven or hell
The Christmas you get you deserve

And How it was conceived:

Stille Nacht

2006-12-02T19:18:00.000Z

Ok, so here's one that's always had a bit of a strange feeling about it for me.
In primary school, we had a headmaster...Mr Myers, he was the one who gave me the cane on my first day, in standard one...ie I was 7 years old, because I threw some spilled salt over my shoulder, the way my mum always did because she said it was unlucky to spill salt, and buy throwing it over your shoulder you banished the bad luck. Anyway, I was seven, I knew no different, and he slapped my arse...what a bastard.

Anyway, I digress. At Christmas, the self same headmaster taught all us Welsh school kids how to sing Silent Night in German. This would have been about 1972-73. He I guess would have been about 50 when he was teaching us this stuff...see where I am going?
I still remember us all in the hall, the whole school, around 250, 300 kids I expect, all learning this carol in German....I still think its a little weird.

Anyway, I have just found a download of an album of German Christmas songs, (go here to find said download) : Will Glahe & His Orchestra - Christmas Greetings From Germany in my search this year for as many weird and wonderful and possibly cheesy Christmas albums as possible, and some are sung by children so listening to it brought back this strangely creepy memory...that's all.

1. Stille Nacht! Heil'ge Nacht!
Alles schläft; einsam wacht
Nur das traute hoch heilige Paar.
Holder Knab' im lockigen Haar,
Schlafe in himmlischer Ruh!

2. Stille Nacht! Heil'ge Nacht!
Gottes Sohn, o wie lacht
Lieb' aus deinem göttlichen Mund,
Da uns schlägt die rettende Stund'.
Jesus in deiner Geburt!

3. Stille Nacht! Heil'ge Nacht!
Die der Welt Heil gebracht,
Aus des Himmels goldenen Höhn,
Uns der Gnaden Fülle läßt sehn,
Jesum in Menschengestalt!

4. Stille Nacht! Heil'ge Nacht!
Wo sich heut alle Macht
Väterlicher Liebe ergoß,
Und als Bruder huldvoll umschloß
Jesus die Völker der Welt!

5. Stille Nacht! Heil'ge Nacht!
Lange schon uns bedacht,
Als der Herr vom Grimme befreit
In der Väter urgrauer Zeit
Aller Welt Schonung verhieß!

6. Stille Nacht! Heil'ge Nacht!
Hirten erst kundgemacht
Durch der Engel Alleluja,
Tönt es laut bei Ferne und Nah:
"Jesus der Retter ist da!"

Rainbow Bridge

2006-12-01T21:48:00.000Z

I dedicate one post every year to the memory of a very special part of my life, which is lost but never forgotten. Three years ago on Dec 15th the most wonderful little chap in the world, my dog Cal left us. I hope one day to be with him again. He was a very good dog, I miss you fella, sleep well, see you in the morning.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together ...

We have a secret, you and I,
That no one else shall know,
For who, but I can see you lie,
Each night, in fireglow?
And who but I can reach my hand
Before we go to bed,
And feel the living warmth of you
And touch your silken head?
And only I walk woodland paths,
And see, ahead of me,
Your small form racing wit the wind,
So young again, and free.
And only I can see you swim
In every brook I pass.
And, when I call, no one but I
Can see the bending grass.

Christmas posts #2

2006-11-19T15:59:00.000Z

Nothing, I repeat NOTHING! is as evocative of Christmas for me than Dylan Thomas' "A Child's Christmas in Wales." It sums up for me everything that childhood meant and that it felt like. When i'm able to capture those ghosts of my past, this is what it feels like the most, friends, family, tradition, innocence, fun, warmth and a sense of home.

I had a tape of a tv adaptation that we'd recorded (Dad I mean) off the television using the new found technological revolution...the cassette recorder! With microphone pointing to the tv speaker, no-one must speak, but you could hear the stifled winter sniffs and coughs in the background, and the scraping of knives on plates as we ate our tea (evening meals are called "tea" where I come from)

Every year starting about halfway through November, Christmas really began when I brought out the tape..which also had snippets of the movie "White Christmas" preceding Dylan's story. It was a ritual and every night I'd stir my excitement listening to the tape in bed before sleep...back when there were wolves in Wales......

I no longer have that tape, it's long since disappeared into the mists of time, but oh what i'd give to hear it again. I've got Dylan reading the tale himself, but that isn't quite as evocative as my taped tv version, wish I had it again...if anyone reads this and knows how to get it please e mail me!

"One Christmas was so much like another, in those years around the sea-town corner now, out of all sound except the distant speaking of the voices I sometimes hear a moment before sleep, that I can never remember whether it snowed for six days and six nights when I was twelve or whether it snowed for twelve days and twelve nights when I was six. All the Christmases roll down toward the two-tongued sea, like a cold and headlong moon bundling down the sky that was our street; and they stop at the rim of the ice-edged fish-freezing waves, and I plunge my hands in the snow and bring out whatever I can find. In goes my hand into that wool-white bell-tongued ball of holidays resting at the rim of the carol-singing sea, and out come Mrs. Prothero and the firemen...."

mp3 download here

First album...thats 33rpm...12" size!!

2006-11-17T21:24:00.000Z

I'm lying on my back laptop on my stomach, earphones plugged in listening to Queen Live in Rio, a bootleg I just downloaded off the 'net, and low and behold it's made me look back to my first ever album. Now that's VINYL folks, you know the stuff that used to come in big 12" slipcases with artwork you noticed, and sleeve notes you bothered to read. I swear I could have recited by heart the names of the songs, the band, the producer, engineer and tea lady on all my vinyl stuff. Now I couldn't even tell you the titles of the tracks on my favourite cds. Last Sunday I went to see Muse at the Cardiff International Arena, fucking amazing show..but me and my mate Gaz...about 5,000+ cds between us couldn't name half the titles of the songs, and I bleeding love their stuff....its never off the car stereo.

Anyway I digress, Its Christmas 1975 and my first ever album is "Night at the Opera" by Queen, and what a great start it was on my musical journey. Must have cost about £3 and I seem to remeber it coming from Woolworths on Queens Street in Cardiff, a shop long since gone. I posed and played air guitar to this for about 3 years before it inspired me (along with a few others) to pick up a guitar and try it all for real. Of course 'Bohemian Rhapsody' is the one everyone drools over, but seek out great tracks like 'I'm in Love with my Car', 'Sweet Lady' and the awesome 'Prophet's Song' which outranks its more famous counterpart in all respects. It still stands the test of time, not dated much, and funnily enough Muse's latest Cd contains enough trace elements of that Queen sound that if they were nuts would make it carry a health warning. However its not quite the same on cd as on vinyl, not sure why, I'm no audio geek, but this one only REALLY cuts it when is big and black!....I'm sure Freddie would agree!

Here's the Amazon review of Queen's magnum opus, cos I'm too tired to type any more:

" One of the most preposterous albums ever made, A Night at the Opera also remains one of the most popular. While it is difficult to completely dislike a record that successfully introduced the phrase "Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fandango?" into the popular lexicon, it is harder still to understand quite what Queen were thinking of when they made this. Whether or not Queen were fully aware of their own absurdity remains a moot point. However, if one can find the hefty psychic hooks and pulleys necessary to suspend this much disbelief, A Night at the Opera is a perversely enjoyable record. The awesomely daft and supremely catchy "Bohemian Rhapsody" aside, it contains the almost equally risible excursions "The Prophet's Song" and "39", a couple of the irresistibly amusing headbanger numbers that Queen could write in their sleep ("Death On Two Legs") and the very possibly heartfelt pop ballad "You're My Best Friend". Immortally baffling, like the pyramids. Yet also enjoyably compelling."

And the artwork is brilliant too!

Terra Nova

2006-11-14T17:53:00.000Z

Carrying on from the last but one post, I found this exceptional song and neat video by Leeds band iLiKETRAiNS (that's the way they like it written) : "Terra Nova"

Christmas posts #1

2006-11-12T12:17:00.000Z

OK, so it's getting close, has been since August in Sainsbury's, yes its that old Christmas magic and its starting to cause a tingle in this old man's stomach. Starbucks has the eggnog latte's on the menu, and I've been tracking down my Christmas music cd's ready for the run up to the big day...be prepared!!

I've got a few favourites, my "grown up" favourite I think has to be Tony Bennett's "Snowfall - The Christmas Album" which I bought first on vinyl the first time me and my wife to be spent bits of the Christmas holidays together, we had our very own turkey dinner in my old bedsit, before she had to go home to be with her mum for the big day. Close second comes Harry Connick Jr's "When My Heart Finds Christmas"

However I am without doubt that my all time favourite is Tijuana Christmas by the Torero Brass Band, the cheesiest and most seventies record you could imagine. I have it still on vinyl, and managed to get a digital copy via a very kind chap, whose website will be linked to here.

"Christmas is the most joyful festival of the Christian year, when we celebrate at the same time the turning point of the winter and the new hope that was brought to men with the birth of Jesus. Christmas is a time when we make up for the bleakness of the weather outside with the warmth of our spirits, and it is no coincidence that the songs which have come to be particularly associated with Christmas should be carols, which have always been the most cheerful and often the most secular of Christian songs. On this record you find your favourite carols in an unfamiliar guise--we've called the album 'Tijuana Christmas', but you will find the mariachi sound taking on a richer and more varied flavour as the Torero Band bring out the charms of our most beautiful carol tunes in imaginative brand new arrangements. 'The Holly and the Ivy' sets the pace with a bright, sparkling beat that even adds to the gaiety of one of our oldest and liveliest carols; 'Silent Night' a much more recent and a more devout carol, is given a quite contrasting treatment, slow and tender. 'Hark, the Herald Angels Sing' sets off again at a brisk, bouncy pace--and if you feel like dancing, why not? It may come as a surprise to you that our oldest carols used to be dances, and that the word itself described a form of circular dance.
In the preface to the Oxford book of carols you will find carols described as songs with a religious impulse that are simple, joyful, popular and modern. You'll never have heard them sounding more joyful, popular or modern than they do on this exciting and original L.P."

Why this one?...well its the one that figured most prominently in my childhood obviously. Mum and dad would put it on the old Phillips "stereogram" on christmas day as we opened the presents, so it was their christmas album too. Funnily enough my cousin also had a copy in his house, and they were really into it as well. It brings back the feeling of warmth that only childhood christmases can bring, lots of happy memories of a time when the family was a big deal, now we're all splintered over the country...indeed the world, its all a bit of a damp squib in the end, but then I guess that's what growing old is all about.

A hero

2006-11-06T21:35:00.000Z

I have a few odd memories of a book which my dad had in his bookcase stirred recently by my reading Ranulph Fiennes' excellent "Captain Scott". I must check to see if he still has it. I am thinking it's "Scott's Last Expedition" the book of the diary from Captain Robert Falcon Scott's 1911 -12 Antarctic trip to reach the South Pole. I remember it as having some amazing and quite chilling photo's in it of terribly frostbitten hands and the cairn that marked Scott's final resting place. It made a definite impression on me as a lad, going back to revisit the pictures over and over again with that morbid childhood interest that boys have (or is it just me??)

Now I'm a "grown up" and reading the story it is an astonishing, tragic yet immensely inspiring tale, one that has enraptured me for the last week. Project Gutenberg, an online library has a copy of Scott's diaries to download and read, I'm dipping into it as a means of highlighting the Fiennes book. I heartily recommend you take a look, and read in awe, the exploits of some of the most truly courageous men.

"March 29, 1912. We had fuel to make 2 cups of tea and food for 2 days on the 20th. Every day we have been ready to start for our depot 11 miles away, but outside the tent it remains a scene of whirling drift. I do not think we can hope for any better things now. We shall stick it out to the end, but we are getting weaker...and the end cannot be far. For God's sake look after our people."

James May, Action Man

2006-10-28T19:37:00.000+01:00

Found this article on the Top Gear site, about the wonderful programme James May put together last Christmas: James May's Top Toys which has since been repeated at least once. Keep an eye out for a repeat this year.

"For several weeks now, I've been beavering away at my desk working on a project completely unrelated to Top Gear. I've been asked by the BBC to make Gear a one-hour Christmas special about toys, and I have to admit that I'm enjoying myself immensely. Toys are nostalgic, evocative and, above all, still great fun. Scalextric, for example, is really nothing more than an elaborate way of connecting the terminals of a 12-volt transformer to an electric motor.

If sir had pointed out that this phenomenon was the basis of all domestic motor racing, the physics lab would have been a happier place. Likewise the train set, which works in exactly the same way. I love a good train set, and a collection of Dinkies, a Mamod steam engine and a really big box of Meccano or Lego.

These things are magical and offer an immediate and welcome respite from the tedium of adulthood. The downside of all this, however, is that I'm reminded of some truly tedious toys that I'd rightly forgotten."

Aberfan

2006-10-20T18:33:00.000+01:00

Ok, strange one this. I make this post because my mum reminded me yesterday that it was on the day of the Aberfan disaster - 21st October 1966 that Mum and Dad moved us from Pontypool to Cardiff, with myself a baby in a pram, and my four year old sister.

It's a shocking story - Aberfan, especially for those of us in Wales close to the event. My grandfather drove there on the day with blankets to help.

Please take some time to visit this site or one of the many others that cover the tragic story, and learn about the greed of the mine managers and the appalling attitude that the government has had to the victims of the Aberfan disaster ever since.

Aberfan: how it happened :-BBC animated graphic

Aberfan survivors 'still stressed'

Life magazine Aberfan display

In Pictures: Aberfan
Iconic image
How photo of child's rescue from 1966 disaster became its defining image

Aberfan mourns dead 40 years on

Reflecting on a lost generation

Rescuer revealed after 30 years

"At 9.15 am on Friday, October 21, 1966 a waste tip slid down a mountainside into the mining village of Aberfan, near Merthyr Tydfil in South Wales. It first destroyed a farm cottage in its path, killing all the occupants. At Pantglas Junior School, just below, the children had just returned to their classes after singing All Things Bright and Beautiful at their assembly. It was sunny on the mountain but foggy in the village, with visibility about 50 yards. The tipping gang up the mountain had seen the slide start, but could not raise the alarm because their telephone cable had been repeatedly stolen. (The Tribunal of Inquiry later established that the disaster happened so quickly that a telephone warning would not have saved lives.) Down in the village, nobody saw anything, but everybody heard the noise. Gaynor Minett, an eight-year-old at the school, remembered four years later: It was a tremendous rumbling sound and all the school went dead. You could hear a pin drop. Everyone just froze in their seats. I just managed to get up and I reached the end of my desk when the sound got louder and nearer, until I could see the black out of the window. I can't remember any more but I woke up to find that a horrible nightmare had just begun in front of my eyes. The slide engulfed the school and about 20 houses in the village before coming to rest. Then there was total silence. George Williams, who was trapped in the wreckage, remembered that 'In that silence you couldn't hear a bird or a child'.

144 people died in the Aberfan disaster: 116 of them were school children. About half of the children at Pantglas Junior School, and five of their teachers, were killed. So horrifying was the disaster that everybody wanted to do something. Hundreds of people stopped what they were doing, threw a shovel in the car, and drove to Aberfan to try and help with the rescue. It was futile; the untrained rescuers merely got in the way of the trained rescue teams. Nobody was rescued alive after 11am on the day of the disaster, but it was nearly a week before all the bodies were recovered. "

Summer days

2006-10-17T22:14:00.000+01:00

This is where I spent 80% of my childhood. Summers were hot, winters were cold. Remember when the climate did what it was supposed to do? Wish it was like that now, seems like it's just rain, rain, rain these days, and hard to tell one season from the other.

The rocks here were where I learned to climb, and scrape my knees and test my courage trying to tackle the "witches nose" a sticky out rock bit that was really tricky, you proved yourself by climbing across onto it then sitting there. I did it once, I was 8 years old. Life was so much simpler then

They called it the Quarry, not sure if there ever was a quarry site here, but roads got named after it. I lived along this road til I was 14, and bought my first house near there 20 years later.

I had wonderful memories of it as a kid, but when I was older and walked my dog here it had all changed, teenage kids sat on the new swings installed (cos kids cant make their own games these days) and smoked and drank cider and smashed bottles on the path.

The people had changed, gone were the wonderful neighbourly types, replaced by antisocial arseholes with superiority complexes. I hated living there as a grown up, and was never happier than the day we moved away. Sad really.

Summers were filled with 8 hour football games, played out on sloping pictures kicking plastic footballs kicked through t shirt goalposts. I also remember orange squash, my Man utd shirt, hayfever, sunburnt legs & calomine lotion, making grass blades whistle between your thumbs, sliding on cardboard boxes on the dried grass slopes, bazooka joe gum, cola bottles, dandelion and burdock, sardines on toast for dinner (lunch)
I also remember laughing and being happy.

Winter of '82

2006-10-17T22:00:00.000+01:00

I was 17 when we had this great snowfall in Cardiff. These photos I stole of the BBC website, sorry if its a problem, but I doubt anyone is going to read this from there!

I should have been revising for my lower sixth January exams when this snowfall hit just around new years if I remember correctly. I think it was probably the last great snowfall of my youth. I had discovered wine, women and song, lots of the former, plenty of the latter and very little of the middle one considering I'd just been introduced to the delights of "Dumpsville", my innocent age was nearly over.
I remember the cars on Newport Rd being brought to a standstill, I remember cleaning the drive for my mum and dad, and there are somewhere pictures of me taken with mums Polaroid camera, her gift from Dad for xmas that year.

Payday!

2006-10-17T21:48:00.000+01:00

Aha!!! At last found this little beauty on e Bay: Payday!!!!

Now this was one of the best, Xmas oooh well I'd reckon on '75 but info I found says this is a 1979 edition, but I'd have been 14 then, and into rock music and guitars, so i'd have been past the board game playing age. I distinctly remember being up about 6 in the morning dark outside, presents open, and mum and dad going back to bed, while me and sis played this one, whilst chomping my way through the first of many selection boxes! Like an idiots version of monopoloy, but much more fun. They still make it it seems, but this is the version I had and loved. Bidding for this baby, suprise my sister on boxing day this year with it!

Going...going...gone

2006-10-17T21:35:00.000+01:00

Oh boy, just came across this old chestnut: Masterpiece

Yup, you can still buy it it seems, even if it's second hand. This was a family favourite in our household, well me and my sister anyway, one year around about 1975-6 I'd reckon. We never really "got" the rules, but thoroughly enjoyed holding our own little auctions, smugly grinning when we managed to palm off a fake to one another during a frantic bidding session! Not up there with Monopoly or Scrabble or Cluedo, but a definite blast from the past.

They call me Baby Driver ...Vroom Vroom part 2

2006-10-15T19:58:00.000+01:00

Just found a pic of one of the cars, they were Ford Shadows, the colour on this one is close to how mine was, as I said earlier one was blue and one was red, so just visualise this one in red for the complete rose tinted picture.

Oh how I dreamed of the 6 wheeled Tyrrel, the black JPS or even the glorious red ferrari...long before the days of Schumacher and co, this was just post Graham Hill, and into the James Hunt/Nikki Lauder era. Back when Formula 1 was still a life or death game.

They call me Baby Driver ...Vroom Vroom

2006-10-15T19:44:00.000+01:00

Every boys dream toy when I was a kid was Scalextric, slot car racing. I had this set but I cant find a picture of the cars yet. I had this one sometime around about 75-76 I think. I had one blue car and one red, as on the box. It came with this scale speed calculator thing that was my first experience of "Mind Fuck"

Anyway...with this set you could have a "figure of 8" or standard "oval" layout, complete with high speed banking which apparently made it marginally easier to keeop the cars on while going around corners. I still recall spending most of the time fetching the cars from under the sofa.

I later expanded my set by buying some extra track from Grimwades, a second hand shop in the Canton area of Cardiff. I bought extra straights, including a chicane and some barrier pieces which didn't really help keep the cars on but made the crashes a little more spectacular. After months of mindless "figure of 8ing"(funny how you could do repetitive stuff without losing your temper in those childhood days) I found that if you fixed all the straights together in one long line you could 'shoot' the cars off the end at the front room wall, the first stages of teenage rebellion??

Well the one thing that stands out the most is that the same Christmas that I got this, my sister got Simon and Garfunkels "Brudge Over Troubled Water" and I always hung around for Baby Driver to come on the Stereogram so I could wind the cars up along with the race car rev sound at the end of the track....sad???...Fuck I was only a kid!

Toothache

2006-10-15T18:56:00.000+01:00

The probable cause of my high dental bills now I'm a "grown-up", ladies and gentlemen I give you...Toffo's.

They came in original Toffee flavour, and then they also did a mixed one with flavours like banana and strawberry and mint.

Ooooh the cavaties!

Album war

2006-10-15T17:54:00.000+01:00

Mild nostalgia here just seeing some of those album covers...Boston, Joe Jackson!!
Via

First single 45rpm

2006-10-15T13:17:00.000+01:00

The Sweet - Teenage Rampage! (no2 Feb 1974)

What a great record, and cost me about 75p (???) and wa maybe bought from Woolworths in Cardiff's Queen Street. (where my Dad used to but those shocking Top of the Pops records from)

Though I'm not 100% sure about the cost for sure or the shop, I am sure that it taught me a lesson. That is that B sides are often better, and this in turn probably turned me on to being an album person rather than a singles person.

The B side was called "Own Up, Take A Look At Yourself". I've recently downloaded said B side, and then went on to buy the album, which I've yet to listen to, but its there for the rainy days or winter!

We want Sweet, we want Sweet ...

All over the land
The kids are finally startin' to get the upper hand
They're out in the streets, they turn on the heat
And soon they could be completely in command
Imagine the sensation of teenage occupation
At thirteen they'll be learning
But at fourteen they'll be burnin'
But there's something in the air
Of which we all will be aware
But they don't care, no, no, no, no... so
Come join the revolution, get yourself a constitution
Come join the revolution now
And recognise your age it's a teenage rampage
Turn another page on the teenage rampage now
So recognise your age it's a teenage rampage
Turn another page on the teenage rampage now!
They're getting it on, ain't doing it wrong
And they're gonna do it, it won't be long
They gotta be heard, they got the word that really belongs
And now they're coming on strong
Imagine the formation of teenage legislation
At thirteen they were fooling
But at sixteen they'll be rulin'
And there's something in the air
of which we all will be aware
But they don't care, no, no, no, no... so
Come join the revolution, get yourself a constitution
Come join the revolution now
And recognise your age it's a teenage rampage
Turn another page on the teenage rampage now
So recognise your age it's a teenage rampage
Turn another page on the teenage rampage now!
There's something in the air
Of which we all will be aware, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... so
Come join the revolution, get yourself a constitution
Come join the revolution now
And recognise your age it's a teenage rampage
Turn another page on the teenage rampage now
So recognise your age it's a teenage rampage
Turn another page on the teenage rampage now!

Push to kick

2006-10-15T13:00:00.000+01:00

Striker!

Wow, another one of those Christmas memories. My overriding memory of this one was finding it under my parents bed when I went hunting for pressies in the run up to Christmas 9 (This must have been about '74-75)

They usually kept the pressies in the top right hand cupboard in the wardrobe above my dads clothes, but obviously this one was too big for there and made its way under the bed. Didnt fool old Sherlock for long tho'. I was able to pull the box out, and ease the lid up and sneak a peak at those wonderfull richly coloured blue and red players. I was a big Man Utd fan in those days (dont even watch football any more) and I swear one of the red team was the spitting image of Lou Macari. Unlike many toys and games, this one did live up to expectations, and I found it absorbing to be able to choreagraph these little men, and allow Man Utd (red) to regularly thrash Everton (blue) on a thrice daily basis.

They also made Super Striker, where the goal keepers actually dived. My mate Tim (who always seemed to out do me) had Super Striker, and tho' it looked amazing on the adverts in reality it was pretty shit, and my working class version where the goalkeeper just threw the ball from his frozen arm. One up for me there then!!!

It's long since the days where I could play striker for hours on end lost in my own innocent little world, but I've got a bid up for Striker on e bay at the moment, hopefully another little piece of the nostalgia jigsaw will droip into place in the next week or so.

Where it all started

2006-10-15T12:39:00.000+01:00

My nostalgia kick started for real last year when I was 40. E bay was the cause of much of my joy because I was able to take a look at lots of toys from my childhood, ones that had particular and poignant memories.

The one toy that seemed to hang high in my memory was this one...the Space 1999 Eagle transporter.

It must have been about 1974-5, and I had it for Christmas (lots of stuff here will have associations with christmas memories) and I remember going to buy it with my Nan in Whitchurch village here in Cardiff. There was a toy shop there which had these wonderful looking die cast models everywhere, but it was the Eagle that had caught my eye. We didnt get to see Space 1999 to often here in Wales, because for some reason the Tv channels neglected to show it very often. I think it was in a magazine called "Look In" that they showed the TV schedules of kids TV and it always seemed to be on in Anglia or Thames or some other region other than Wales. So it was a bit of a holy grail for me, a rarity. I recall looking forward to getting this toy more than anything else at christmas that year. I think my main present that year was Striker (more of which later) but I held this metal toy in some sort of awe for the moths leading up to Dec 25th that year, imagining all the great (imaginary) scenes I could play out with it.
When I got it I have to say I was a little disappointed, it didnt fly, no smoke came out, no lasers...no sounds. Juts a little switchy thing on the top to let the Pod drop and the doors on the pod opened. Even the colour was wrong, the cabin was green and in the series it was all white.

I did have some fun with it, I remember winding my sister up with it during a boxing day showing of Dr Zhivago as she gawped at Omar Sharif, but it was a bit of a damp squib.

However that didnt stop me buying a new one last year on ebay....£30 this time, for a new model, bigger, better and whiter than before, and now taking pride of place in my nostalgia collection. This was also my first taste of nostalgia being a let down. I waited for delivery, tramped down to the sorting office cos it wouldnt fit through the letter box, ripped open the package in the car and held it there in my hands...childhood revisited! Funny, still had all the worries of mortgages and work weighing me down.

Whats it all about

2006-10-15T12:31:00.000+01:00

This is an idea i've been kicking around for a while. As the world spirals out of control into a quagmire of religious confrontation, environmental catastrophe, media control and American domination I like to harken back to a previous time when things seemed simpler and happier. I think its mainly to do with being a kid, when you're a kid things like war and politics dont seem to matter, at least they didnt when i was a kid. All that mattered was 'what's the weather like', can i go out, can I go to so and so's house to play subbuteo/scalectrix/top trumps etc.

I know there are a few sites about that cover this stuff, but this is mine, and if you want to contribute, please e mail me at psychoderelict@yahoo.co.uk and I'll see what I can do.

I hope you have fun, and lose yourself in some memories, please leave comments just to cheer me along or correct facts.

Back to the 70's.....