I found this tonight on the net so I borrowed it and put it here where someone might find it and find that it's helpful. I know how you feel, NO I really do! Because I've been there on quite a few occasions. It's harder than anyone can imagine, but if you feel this way just put it off a little and go and talk to someone who will take you seriously, a doctor, psychiatrist, go to a church or a hospital, go to someone you trust who will listen because you can't go through this on your own and there are people out there who can help, believe me on this one, it can and might well get better. There are so many things that you can achieve because you do have the strength, you just need a little helping hand, everyone does at some point. I've cut myself, I've stood on bridges, I've swallowed pills and thought of throwing myself under the wheels of a truck. Things are better for me now, I'm not rich, I'm still alone, but I've got great books still to read, great bands I'm discovering all the time, I'm helping people who are worse off than me, homeless and afraid. I try and do one thing each day that makes me feel human, even if it's just a walk through the park and sitting under a tree with a book. Life can be shit, I know, but simple things can make you "feel" again. I spent five whole, long, miserable years being mentally abused by someone who was supposed to love me, she didn't. I destroyed my world for her and she screwed me mentally and financially, she took away every last shred of happiness I had. I've still got to work in the same place as her every day, and it makes me angry and full of spite and hatred, but perversely the fury makes me want to survive and rub my new found reason to live in her smug, middle classes face. Can you tell how much I hate her? I'm sure you have similar feelings too. Use them to rebuild and there's nothing as satisfying as rubbing their faces in it be the pure fact that they HAVEN'T beaten you. No need to resort to violence, don't dwell on it but use it to feed your recovery.

I honestly and sincerely wish you happiness and peace. Live and be free.

100 Reasons To Why You Shouldn't Commit Suicide.

1. We would miss you.
2. It's not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.
3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.
4. There's so much you would miss out on doing.
5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.
6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.
7. You ARE worth it. Don't let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.
8. You are amazing.
9. A time will come, once you've battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won't regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.
10. What about all the things you've always wanted to do? What about the things you've planned, but never got around to doing? You can't do them when you're dead.
11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that's still a reason to stay alive.
12. You won't be able to listen to music if you die.
13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You'll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.
14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.
15. You're preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.
16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?
17. You're gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.
18. Think about your favourite music artist, you'll never hear their voice again...
19. You'll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day
20. Listening to incredibly loud music
21. Being alive is just really good.
22. Not being alive is really bad.
23. Finding your soulmate.
24. Red pandas
25. Going to diners at three in the morning.
26. Really soft pillows.
27. Eating pizza in New York City.
28. Proving people wrong with your success.
29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.
30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.
31. Being able to help other people.
32. Bonfires.
33. Sitting on rooftops.
34. Seeing every single country in the world.
35. Going on roadtrips.
36. You might win the lottery someday.
37. Listening to music on a record player.
38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
39. Taking really cool pictures.
40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.
41. Hearing crazy stories.
42. Telling crazy stories.
43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.
44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.
45. Travelling to another planet someday.
46. Having an underwater house.
47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.
48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.
49. Trampolines.
50. Think about your favourite movie, you'll never watch it again.
51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,
52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it's for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.
53. People do care.
54. Treehouses
55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse
55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees
56. I don't even know you and I love you.
57. I don't even know you and I care about you.
58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!
59. You won't be here to experience the first cat world emperor.
60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU'LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!
61. Starbucks.
62. Hugs.
63. Stargazing.
64. You have a purpose, and it's up to you to find out what it is.
65. You've changed somebody's life.
66. Now you could change the world.
67. You will meet the person that's perfect for you.
68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.
69. You have the chance to save somebody's life.
70. If you end your life, you're stopping yourself from achieving great things.
71. Making snow angels.
72. Making snowmen.
73. Snowball fights.
74. Life is what you make of it.
75. Everybody has a talent.
76. Laughing until you cry.
77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.
78. The world would not be the same if you didn't exist.
79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down
80. Be yourself, don't take anyone's shit, and never let them take you alive.
81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.
82. Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
83. One day your smile will be real.
84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.
85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.
86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.
87. Eating crazy food.
88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.
89. Sleeping in all day.
90. Creating something you're proud of.
91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn't commit
92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.
93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate
94. Sherlock season three.
95. Cuddling under the stars.
96. Being stupid in public because you just can.
97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?
98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years
99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.
100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn't seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

“A legion of horribles, hundreds in number, half naked or clad in costumes attic or biblical or wardrobed out of a fevered dream with the skins of animals and silk finery and pieces of uniform still tracked with the blood of prior owners, coats of slain dragoons, frogged and braided cavalry jackets, one in a stovepipe hat and one with an umbrella and one in white stockings and a bloodstained wedding veil and some in headgear or cranefeathers or rawhide helmets that bore the horns of bull or buffalo and one in a pigeontailed coat worn backwards and otherwise naked and one in the armor of a Spanish conquistador, the breastplate and pauldrons deeply dented with old blows of mace or sabre done in another country by men whose very bones were dust and many with their braids spliced up with the hair of other beasts until they trailed upon the ground and their horses' ears and tails worked with bits of brightly colored cloth and one whose horse's whole head was painted crimson red and all the horsemen's faces gaudy and grotesque with daubings like a company of mounted clowns, death hilarious, all howling in a barbarous tongue and riding down upon them like a horde from a hell more horrible yet than the brimstone land of Christian reckoning, screeching and yammering and clothed in smoke like those vaporous beings in regions beyond right knowing where the eye wanders and the lip jerks and drools.”

― Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West

Nostalgia aint what it used to be

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Saturday, December 21, 2013

100 Reasons To Why You Shouldn't Commit Suicide.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Blood Meridian...

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

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Saturday, August 03, 2013

Why the hell is this not available for Kindle?